ya feel me, right?

As many of you guys know, or at least I hope you know if you claim to read my blog, I am in grad school going after a MS in HRD.  Well, one of the face-to-face classes I am taking this semester, Organization Change, has the most amazing professor.  no she does not even know I have a blog so I am not sucking up.  But this professor is always encouraging us to reflect on why we feel/think/believe the things that we do.  She is very much about digging deep and coming to meaning that drives all attitudes and actions.  It's so fantastic to have a professor like this - She makes you believe you really can achieve anything.  It's lovely. 

My point to all of this?  I am starting a new thing on Friday's.  that is if I can remember.  I am calling it, "ya feel me, right?" and in these posts I am going to write about my thoughts and feelings from the past week.  They probably won't all be peaches and cream and you probably won't want to read them, which is ok by me, but while I do keep a journal, I want to be able to put my feelings out into the world as well that way I am not keeping them to myself.  And hopefully, by holding myself accountable for things I have said, it will help change my actions that I am not proud of.  I encourage anybody and everybody to participate on your own blog or by commenting on mine.  I am hoping it will be a liberating experience to honestly and truly sit back and reflect on all your actions, thoughts and events that have happened over the past week and maybe even teach us a little bit about ourselves.  Rarely do we ever take a moment to stop and truly think about why we are feeling, saying, thinking the things that we are.  Honestly, who has that kind of time?!  But in reality, we are doing our minds a great deal of harm and showing ourselves disrespect by not coming to terms with who we are as a person.  Does that make sense?  I am starting to ramble now.  Anyways, this is what I will be doing on Fridays.  Again, I encourage you to participate if you would like - I even made me a handy dandy little "button" thing.  It is an extremely uncomfortably close picture of me but the thought process was "You're getting a close up of me - Even the parts that make me uncomfortable"  So yes, I have a button.  aka, a picture that doesn't link you to anything because I am not that talented.  but I know how to work paint very poorly and enjoyed making polka dots. So, after enough blah blah talk from me, here is my first edition of "ya feel me, right?"

• I must say, Monday I was very frustrated with United Way.  It was their "Day of Caring" and I was suppose to volunteer.  The person had called me earlier last week to tell me she would call me on Friday with my assignment.  She never called.  I even came up to my office on Sunday to make sure she didn't call or email me while I was out.  Nope.  So Monday I had no choice but to come into work because I didn't know where I was going! They had a kickoff breakfast at 8:30am but what was I suppose to do? Show up in my work clothes, learn I was going to be painting, go back home, change, go back to where ever it was I was going, go BACK home to change to go back to work if I got done early, some point in there have my school clothes and what not..?? No, that gives me a headache thinking about it.  Needless to say when the lady finally did call me that Monday, it was too late.  I was totally bummed considering one of my goals for the year is to volunteer more.  I know there will be more opportunities but still, this was the first one.  And I am upset with myself because maybe I should have gone to that breakfast and tried harder, ya know?
• I have been blessed with the most amazing sunsets coming home from the gym and sunrises coming to work in the morning.  They really have been breath taking.  The other night when I got home I had to get Bret outside just so I could share it with somebody.  The sky was seriously every color of the rainbow.  Red all the way to purple.  I swear, the sky was so clear that if you looked you could see where it turned black stretching into outer space.  Things like that just blow me away.  In that one moment I felt so small and so much of a "nothing" standing there but at the same time I felt amazing and alive to think that my God has the power to turn the sky, the largest canvas out there, into an incredible work of art and for some reason decided that little ole me was important enough to get to see his creation.  It was just so amazing.
• One of my goals has been to stop cussing.  I don't cuss that much honestly, but when I do, I immediately feel unattractive and wonder what the point of saying that word even was.  I am very ashamed by my actions last Friday night.  A group of us went out for some drinks which, like most people I am sure, is where my good intentions start to slip away.  No excuse.  Well, a girl that I work with came out with my group of friends for the first time and later on that night a guy friend of hers met up too.  Well he was sitting by me so we started talking and throughout our conversation I was saying some cuss words.  Was there a point to them? No.  Did the alcohol have an effect on my behavior? Of course.  Should I have had a bar of soap handy? You betcha.  To make matters worse, the guy said something about Church and so I asked what church he went to, he told me, and it turns out it is the church I go to! and if I don't go, I watch it on TV. If I miss it, my DVR is kind enough to record it for me to watch later, which I do. Here I was, cussing and talking about church, the pastor his latest sermon all in one conversation.  Now tell me, Katie. What type of person did that make you look like?  A good Christian? NO.  I have been thinking about the whole thing all week and really have been beating myself up about it.  I know I have asked for forgiveness and have prayed for help from God but still, that was the first impression that poor guy got of me and I am ashamed of my actions.
• I have been so impressed with my husband this week.  Not that I am not always impressed but he has been so sweet, in such a great mood and just a complete joy to be around.  It's amazing all the wonderful thoughts I think about Bret when things are going good in the world.  It really makes me wonder why I cannot think positive, perfect thoughts about everything, all the time, even when things are going poorly.  Is that just human nature to always see the negative? Is that the American culture as we know it?  Do you know those people out there that when you meet them they are immediately your best friend and you feel like you have known them forever? I honestly believe those people are always happy.  I want to be one of those people.  Maybe not always happy because I learn a lot about myself when I am pissed off at the world but I want to be an instant best friend.  How do I make that one happen?

Alrighty my BBs, that is probably enough for one day.  I don't know how these posts will turn out.  I am hoping I have a lot more positive thoughts than negative ones but, you never know.  Again, you do not have to read my posts but I do encourage you to participate in your own reflections.  You don't have to necessarily put it out there for the world to see but maybe with just yourself...

Happy Friday everyone! Have a fab weekend!!